Bah

I submitted one of my dissertation papers last fall, right after starting my new job as a professor. It dragged through the review process and I just got word tonight that it was rejected. Soundly.

Bah.

This is the second time I’ve submitted a paper from my dissertation to have it rejected (different topics each time).

It makes me feel like it might be a DARN good thing I got myself a teaching position instead of a research one.

Ugh.

I know, I know. This comes with the territory. Revise and resubmit. Can’t let it get to you personally.

I won’t in the long run. Probably.

But tonight I am wallowing in self pity.

Humph!

I have arrived

I think I have “arrived” as a professor. I am consistently getting through 20 or fewer slides in my 50 minute class. I remember the rule of thumb as a grad student was to spend roughly 1 minute talking per slide in a presentation. I was also raised, as it were, to use slides to present pictures and very few words. Which means for every picture I put up I’m talking at least 2 minutes. That kind of long-windedness is the true hallmark of a Professor, is it not?

Spring Break

I’m on the quarter system, so Spring Break was a welcome time between Winter and Spring quarters. We opted for a staycation which gave me some time to prep for my 3 new classes next term.

I’ve given up on writing my own labs – it was a nice idea, but far too time-consuming. And with three new classes this next term, I couldn’t possibly keep it up.

I am excited for my advanced class – they’re going to do research posters for presentation at a showcase at the end of the term.

It’s strange to think I’m 2/3’s the way through my first year. I’m certainly more experienced than when I first started, but feel like I only just started!

New Things

Here’s a new thing (something I didn’t encounter as a grad student, but have as a professor): having to spend money. Maybe “have” is the wrong verb, but I got allocated my own little share of department funds to spend on course-related materials. And I’ve been buying a bit here and there, but it has been a bit haphazard. It’s new! And in my daily life I am cutting back and budgeting and trying to save!

Well, saving is not the name of the game at work! If I don’t spend the money, it gets re-allocated – so if I want resources for my classroom, the time is now!

To that end I’ve been making a Wishlist that identifies potential purchases, how much they cost, and which courses I would use them for. Then prioritizing it so that I can make purchases more thoughtfully.

It is fun, in a way. But…also another time-sucking activity I don’t exactly have time for.

And it’s definitely new!

Infrequent nightmares

Last night I had another dream that felt so real and left me feeling anxious and bewildered upon waking. I don’t have these dreams every night, but frequently enough I suppose. They seem to happen more at times I’m especially stressed – I’m sure that’s no coincidence.

The dream last night was similar to the rest: I dreamt I still had to defend my dissertation and felt immense panic at the prospect and a boatload of anxiety that it wasn’t done already. Then, the dream shifted and I was confused. Trying to figure out what I had been doing all this time if I hadn’t already defended my dissertation. I realized (in my dream) that I must stil lbe a student! And suddenly I was terribly worried for my future and where and when and IF I might find a real job.

I woke up at that point stressed out, anxious, and fearfully confused.

I don’t want to say grad school gave me post-traumatic stress syndrome, because people who have that usually had truly horrible things happen to them. But…evidently grad school gave me some post-traumatic style nightmares and an unhealthy dose of lingering anxiety.

It may be time to seek medication for that…

The little things

The little things are what always get left out. The odd local knowledge that becomes so mundane and ingrained you fail to notice it anymore. But often it’s those very little details that tell the more interesting story. Or help someone really understand another someone.

And that’s what’s missing from this blog. I’m hitting major highlights, but the little stuff? The day-in-day-out of becoming a young professor? Who could tell from this blog!? Not me! Not you!

What an oversight.

Some little things, in no specific order:

– I love my office. I’ve put some time and thought into its arrangement. I situated one of my desks so that it faces toward the door and has space for a student to sit across from me. My PhD advisor had a similar arrangement and it worked so well for our weekly meetings, I couldn’t fathom any other arrangement. Yet many other professors visiting my new digs commented on it – and one even changed her set up to be similar to mine. Score one for the new kid!

– Keys. I put my new keys on a lanyard, one I bought at the campus bookstore. This is so helpful because I can wear them around my neck when I go to the restroom. Why didn’t I do this before?!

– Water. Always bring water to class when teaching. If you’re stuck for a moment, you can take a drink while you think quickly. No one will be wiser (probably). Also really helpful if you get a tickle or cough. And I just get plain thirsty talking after awhile!

– Room setups for lecture rooms. You have to work with what you’ve got. And sometimes…it is not much. I teach in 3 rooms this term – each has a different set up. And one I would really love to change! I have a hearing impaired student so I have an interpreter. And I like to write on the white board as I go, using the power point mainly to show pictures or videos that emphasize the key points and as an outline to keep everything on topic. So I have a screen with the slides, a white board (that’s far too small) to write on, and an interpreter in the middle. It’s working, but it’s not ideal. My biggest complaint is the white board size. I run out of room far too quickly!

– Attire. I had envisioned buying a whole new wardrobe at Loft when I landed a professor gig. Oh the clothes! Finally I would have professional wear! Well…maybe if I’d gone R1 and landed the better-paying gig? I didn’t have the money to buy new clothes before starting. Not much anyway. Instead I went to Ross and picked up 3 new tops and 1 new pair of slacks. And a new scarf. I’m a sucker for scarves. And actually – I’m glad I didn’t buy more! It was good to have a few options to start, and then to scope out the wardrobe landscape of my peers. I recommend the same for anyone moving to a new location starting a new job. Have some basics of course – and a range of options if possible. Scope out the local scene, and then if your budget allows, fill your wardrobe according to your new surroundings. Or maybe you’re just more fashionable than I am and surroundings and peer attire matters not. Do what you will.

– Get a clicker. One of those USB things that plugs into the computer and allows you to advance slides while standing anywhere in the room. With built in laser pointer – only if your hand doesn’t shake too badly. Don’t get crazy with the laser.

Getting the hang of things?

I hesitate to even write that headline – it seems to be inviting trouble. I’m still majorly overwhelmed. My husband is sick, my baby has a cough that won’t go away (it seems), and I might be starting to get what they have.

But…I just wrote an exam review sheet (which helped me plan the exam itself) and darn if it didn’t seem to just come together brilliantly. Could be the late hour deluding my mind, but the point breakdown worked out splendidly. There’s math involved, but it’s a survey course with a lot of math-phobic folks. So if they don’t even attempt the math but get all the conceptual stuff right, they get a D on the exam. If all they do on each math problem is correctly identify the equation – BOOM. C. And show some work? B+. Get them all right? A of course.

It just felt nice that it happened organically, but it actually made sense with the grade scale too.

***

In other news, I have survived my first tenure-track review process! The way it works for me is that each year I submit my binder in the Fall term – which means my binder this year was dainty and cute because I’d been at the job all of about 6 weeks when it was time to turn it in. But, the good news is I “met expectations” for Year 1! Huzzah! Next year’s binder should prove to be a bit bigger and is more important in the whole earning-tenure process. Something to work on sporadically when I have time now (hah!) and with more urgency toward the end of summer.

Busy, busy!

The end of the term was busy, the winter break too short, and the start of the new term seems even busier. I made the mistake decision to write my own labs for my upper divisional course this term. There is a widely used textbook with pre-made labs that I could have used instead…but it’s quite expensive and in past experience leads to students being able to follow instructions, but being completely lost without the aid of the text. By writing my own (in theory) I can try to encourage more active thinking as they learn the techniques.

Here’s hoping, because it’s a fair amount of work!

End of Term

The end of the term is nearly upon us. Which means I have almost made it through my very first term as a “real” professor.

Upon reflection, I am much more comfortable teaching now than I was at the start. I do still occasionally feel butterflies before a lecture – but mostly now I feel bewildered and like it’s ridiculous when that happens. What do I have to be anxious about!?

On the whole, my classes seem to have been well-received. Though I certainly have my share of notes on how to improve them.

And not much time to feel comfortable. Next term will start soon enough and I have 2 new courses to prep for that as well. Keep moving forward!